


I'm Always Alright

by SniperMoran



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Ianto's death, Jack trying to move on, M/M, Nightmares, cliffhanger ending, nightmares of Children of Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 05:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13357143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SniperMoran/pseuds/SniperMoran
Summary: Captain Jack Harkness is always alright.He has to be, for the people around him.But mostly he has to be for himself, otherwise everything will start falling apart and he doesn't think he could keep up with it all falling to pieces....So he's always alright.





	I'm Always Alright

He couldn't breathe, no matter how he tried. He gasped for air, clawed at his throat, at his chest, but there was nothing blocking his airways. Oxygen just wouldn't reach him, wouldn't fill his lungs and bring him reprieve. As he struggled for air, he could see their faces, staring at him, just staring. Watching him struggle, watching him fade. He slumped to his knees, grabbing at his own throat desperately as he looked on pleadingly to those faces staring down at him.  
"I'm....so...rry..." he gasped out between struggling. He slumped over, the fight over, his eyelids slipped closed and darkness consumed him.

Bolting upright, Jack gasped, panting as he looked around himself. He touched a pad beside him so the lights came up on his ship and he breathed a sigh, closing his eyes a moment. Another one. Nearly always the same. Nightmares with the faces of all those he'd lost, watching him suffocate as he'd--.... He shook his head, pulling at his own hair a moment before he dropped his hands to push himself up from his makeshift bed. "Computer, what's our location?"

|| 'Cardiff, Wales. The year is 2016.' ||

Furrowing his brow, Jack gave a curt nod and made his way to his pilot seat. "Right...Computer, can you get a lock on the Doctor? The signature of the TARDIS, maybe? Anything...?"

|| 'Trace signatures available. Complete analysis inconclusive.' ||

The Doctor traveled everywhere in that blue box of his, suppose it only made sense that traces of it would be everywhere. Everything was gone now, though. Everything that mattered. He'd abandoned his past, left Torchwood. There was nothing there for him now, except for memories he didn't want to relive, that haunted him anyway. Time to be brilliant, Jack. Time to be smart, what would they do? What would Tosh do? What would Owen ask about? What would Ianto search for?

"Computer, concentrate search parameters. Find the largest concentration of the trace signature and take us there."

|| 'Affirmative. Recalculating search parameters.... Recalculation complete. Highest concentration of trace signatures, coordinates set, location locked.' ||

 

Darkness. Suffocating darkness. Always suffocating.  
"I love you, Jack..."  
'No...no, Ianto don't say that...don't say that to me...don't say it now, not like this. Not now...'  
"I love you, Jack..."  
'No, stop...stop just...just stay with me. It'll be alright, just stay with me, now, Ianto.'  
"I love you, Jack..."  
'STOP!'

Jack's eyelids flew open, practically falling out of his seat as he jolted upright. He could feel the warm, itchy trails of tears on his cheeks and he stubbornly wiped them away, clearing his throat. "Computer, status update."

|| 'Coordinates locked. Destination set. On course for trace signatures of 'the TARDIS'. Arrival time estimated at 1 year, 5 months into the future. Planet of arrival: Earth.' ||

As the computer spoke, Jack made his way around the ship, pretending to be checking things, making himself appear busy. It was the distraction of movement. It didn't help much, but it helped just enough. He was exhausted. The nightmares wouldn't stop, and everything he had bottled inside was eating at him.  
What he wouldn't give to have died that day, in that room with Ianto Jones. What he wouldn't give to have had that be his last breath. He had known for so long that immortality wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but never had it more felt like a curse than these years that were passing him by. And it was all his fault. It was always his fault. Owen, Tosh, Ianto...all the other numerous casualties along the way--and for what? For some imaginary greater good? For the pursuit of knowledge? Power?  
It was all meaningless now. All pointless and purposeless. There was nothing but a soul-crushing guilt that was nearly always lingering over his head like a grey storm cloud. Now he knew a glimpse of what the Doctor must feel all the time. Always staying as he was, while he had to watch everyone else around him age, and die…  
His feet had led him back to his quarters, where his makeshift bed was. He scoffed to himself before kicking his boots off and climbing into the small thing again. Try, try again. Though, this was becoming the definition of insanity. Trying the same thing over and over again, expecting differing results.  
Sleep would always come, there was no doubt there. Immortal though he may be, he still required the usual things to survive. And when sleep came, as it would, the nightmares would follow on its coattails. Those faces staring down at him. Ianto’s dying words echoing in his ears on a constant loop. The dark thoughts that he kept tucked away for safe keeping. The true tests to know he truly couldn’t die, that he was trapped here like this, with no escape and no refuge.

This was his punishment, and he would have to accept it eventually. Accept that this was the universe getting it’s retribution for all the lives lost because Jack wasn’t quick enough, wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t brave enough…  
As he lay down in his bed and closed his eyes, he wondered to himself what nightmare this sleep would bring him, what fresh hell would his mind imagine up for him.

Laughter.  
Smiles and laughter and a warm feeling in the air.  
The sounds of computers whirring, that very peculiar sound of particular engines whining. The flapping of wings.  
The smell of coffee brewing.  
“Cup for you, boss.”  
‘I love your coffee, Ianto…best in the world.’  
“Just the world today, Jack?”  
‘…I’m rubbing off on you, fishing for compliments, Ianto.’  
“Too right, sir.”

“I love you, Jack…”  
“I love you, Jack…”  
“I love you—“  
“I love you—“  
“I love—“  
“…love—“  
“—Jack…”

|| ‘Proximity alert. Massive power source nearby. Destination arrival complete. Current location: Blackpool, England. The year is 2017.’ ||

The voice of the computer broke through the nightmares, pulling Jack from his sleep. He stubbornly wiped at the streaks of tears on his cheeks and pushed himself out of his bed. “Blackpool…” he muttered, his brow furrowing slightly as he grabbed his coat and pulled it on. “Thank you, Computer. Activate stealth mode, if you would,”

|| ‘Stealth mode was activated upon nearing destination.’ ||

Jack grinned lightly and chuckled, trying to push the dreams from his mind. “Good on you, Computer. You’re learning,” he hummed, patting his ship affectionately before opening the hatch. He stepped out and guarded his eyes with his hand from the sunlight. Squinting, as his eyes adjusted, he saw that familiar shade of blue, and the ever inviting words ‘Police Public Call Box’ along the top in black. “Hello, old friend,” he whispered to himself as he stepped from his ship and made his way closer. He paused just outside the doors, a hesitation setting in. The Doctor had left him behind. They hadn’t seen each other in…years upon years. What if that had been for a purpose? He’d been called a fixed point in time, perhaps that meant they couldn’t— Stop, Jack. Just…knock.  
Raising his hand, noticing the tremor in it and attempting to ignore it, Jack rapped his knuckles at the solid blue wood of the door, and waited.  
As the door opened slowly, Jack looked up, and a small sad smile touched his lips. “Doctor…"


End file.
